Being a Good Person. You Should, Too.

Grand Marais, Michigan is a tiny-fucking-town in the Upper Peninsula. It's a gas station, two bars, a hardware store, and a post office. It's also goddamn gorgeous. It's part of the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore, and holds a spot very near and dear to my heart. I spent a huge portion of my summer there, and it just has a lot of memories.

My sappy bullshit aside, I'm going to ask the, like, one person who reads this blog to do me (and the town) a huge favor. Grand Marais' harbor is filling up with sand at an alarming rate. Like, it'll be filled up in a couple years alarming. They need it dredged out and a new breakwall built, otherwise the harbor and town are screwed. They keep getting ignored for government funding, and time's running out.

Reader's Digest (yes, the waiting room staple of doctors offices everywhere) is holding a thingy called "We Hear You America" where you enter the name of a town in need, click "CHEER" up to 10x per day, and put your town towards winning part of like 20 million dollars of grant money.

I'm asking anyone who might see this lame-ass blog to go HERE, click the damn stereotypical cheerleader 10 times, and get Grand Marais their new harbor. These people really need it, and, c'mon, you're just dicking around on the internet anyway. Do something good while you're at it.

Things are Due Tomorrow

Things that are due tomorrow:

1. Rough draft of a scholary paper on...something
2. Pharmacology exam.
3. Have I mentioned we've had an exam of some sort EVERY MONDAY for, like, the past month?
4. AAAAAAUGH

Things I have done today:

Best. Student. EVAR. 

Look What I Found! Writings From the Past

Long ago, in an apartment far, far away...I wrote this. 

Exclamation Points: A Breakdown

Well hai there. How nice of you to visit mah humble little blog. I hope you love it so much you wanna trap it in your basement and wear its skin. 

Enough with the introductions. On to the scathing social commentary. 

I've been sucked into the soul-sucking demon that is facebook, and recently, while I'm mindlessly staring at my newsfeed in between Farmville harvestings and Mafia Wars jobs, I've noticied that apparently a lot of exciting/angry/other exclamatory adjective stuff seems to be going on in the facebook world. Aka, lots of internet shouting and exclamation points. "So what?" you ask. So what? My mind hasn't been riddled with internet holes enough to not become fucking irritated with this kind of nonsense

"Captain Asshat just got back from a test!! FAILZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Your Mom Just Discovered This 'internet' thing. How Fun!!!!!11!!!!!"

Maybe I'm just a bitch. But seriously. 

 An exclamation point, as defined by www.dictionary.com, is defined as, "the sign (!) used in writing after an exclamation." Basically, it's a little line with a dot under it that you put after exciting shit. Or after angry shit. Or loud shit (those loud shits are always awkward). See the trend here? But the dictionary doesn't define the very important and socially relevant function of the exclamation point; the ability to determine the user's general level of intellence.

One Exclamation Point: "Just stole an elderly man's cane!"

Intelligence: Average. This individual understands enough about punctuation to know that one of those line-with-a-dot-under-it doohickeys goes at the end of the exclamation. They also know that this exclamation is exclamatory enough to only merit one.

Two-Three !'s: As in, "Just exposed myself in public for the first time OMG so scary!!!"

Intelligence: Average to slightly below. Exposing oneself in public is most definitely pants-shittingly terrifying if you're the prudish type, and merits some extra proof of exclamatory-ness. In leiu of this, the multiple exclamation point-age suggests that the author can't think of any other way to express the sheer, like, JAWESOMENESS of the situation using their words.

Three or More: "OMG I LUVVV BRYANTTTTT!!!!!!!!!"

Intelligence: At this point...erm...notsomuch. Notice how the use of real words goes down as the ! count goes up. Coincidence? I think not.

1's are included: "LULZ thats funnyhahha I totally loled I luvvvvvv it tho!!!!!!!!!1!111!!!!11"

Intelligence: Has to be a fucking joke.

No, seriously: Go to the kitchen. That's the room with the box that makes cold. And the other box that makes nom noms warm. Go to the nom nom warmer. There are buttons/circles on it. Press them randomly because I assume you have no idea what the writings on them mean. Keep pressing until the nom nom warmer gets warm. Now time for a nap. Did you know the nom nom warmer is a great pillow? Thats right. Its niiiiiice and comfy, like a kitty cat. Be sure to close all the doors and windows. Then put your head right on top. Right where its nice and toasty. Remember to take nice, long breaths. Don't let the bedbugs bite. 

Cell Phone Snapshots

One night at work, I went through the entire newspaper and gave everyone Victorian garb. Except this one lady. She became a lizard. Obviously, this is a picture of a dapper bat and not the lizard-lady. 

Y'know. Jew Juice. Jews. Thanks, Wal-Mart. 

I'll Take "Irony" for $100, Alex.

So this is my first post. So hey there. How are you? Oh, oh really? Great, awesome, yeah. Enough about you.  Seriously, fuck off. Read about me now.

Background necessary: I'm a nursing student and one of my labs requires us to have partners so we can take practical skills tests, two of which are scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. After my job shadow at a nearby hospital from 6:45 am to 10:30 am.

I get a facebook message from my partner, that reads something like this (Obviously, this is not the exact text, but this is what my rage-addled brain is seeing):

      "Oh hai! I'm going to apolgize for the short notice but I don't really feel bad, so fuck you. BTW I'm      dropping out of the nursing program so I won't be there for those test outs tomorrow. Or any test outs for that matter. Or lab. Ever. Did I mention fuck you?

        Sincerely,

        Douchetard"

Me upon reading this: 

This is the same partner that, at the beginning of the semester, said she was going to be a nurse because it was "Like, my calling. I just felt, like, it was my destiny." Upon being asked why she was dropping, she responded, "I don't really think it's for me." 

Head, meet desk. It feels like we've met before...were you at that benefit two weeks ago? No? Strange, I just have that feeling, y'know. We've totally met before, I just know it.